if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
