We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
last night I used snow as a chaser
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