I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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