I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
