he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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