It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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