I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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