doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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