I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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