I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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