Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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