dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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