I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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