I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can you bring me the toilet please
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
