I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
