My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
