Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
