That's when you crack a 10am beer
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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