Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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