He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
