real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
