it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
