His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
