I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
