Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
