better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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