You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
