I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
