im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
