Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
