I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
