If that was your dad, he is hot
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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