yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
