Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
