I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
