K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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