I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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