So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
