i wish starbucks made bloody marys
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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