I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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