eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
