You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
