so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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