If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
