Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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