I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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