Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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