Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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