so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize