We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
my liver is dry heaving
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
