"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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