I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
