Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
