Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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