I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
