"it" just moved
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
