I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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