I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
