Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
