FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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