Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
