am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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