some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
