Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
