Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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