we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I want to fling myself into the sun
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
