Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize