I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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