She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
