I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
