is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
