what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
