but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
