Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
