if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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