I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
