dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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