I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
