just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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