Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
