She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
