I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
