I skipped work to stalk him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
