I am in a vortex of obligation.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
