Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
