I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
