at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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