i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
