Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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