yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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