Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
