what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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