this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize