How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
