All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
