i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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