There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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