Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
