I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
