Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
