I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
