i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
